Nasteya Read online

  ‘“A mother I can be to him, a good and loving mother,” I said when I was at arm’s length from that baby. No sooner did I pick him up, when the eagle flapped its huge wings and rose high into the northern sky. When I picked the baby up, I saw that he bore a scar on his chest and stomach from the eagle’s claw… I fed the child and then he slept. For me, he was God’s most precious and beautiful gift which I blissfully accepted… And tonight, he accuses me of keeping from him things I never thought would even matter.’

  ‘Unfortunately, they mattered beyond what you could have imagined…’ Nasteya’s mind was flooded with awful reality. Now he knew where that scar on his chest came from. Quietly, he stepped out of the cottage, untied his horse and mounted it.

  ‘It’s dark out there. Where are you going?’ his mother asked.

  ‘I know the truth, now I need time to mend myself according to it,’ Nasteya said without even looking at her.

  Away and far from Saarah he rode, with his mind made up to not return for a few weeks. The trees seemed to be laughing at him, the stars making fun of his plight. He cussed at almost everything that he went past. Then he rode towards the grey streak of the horizon and out of Saarah.

  While Nasteya was drawing away from the land of Saarah, I was living a waking dream in the arms of Seeya, oblivious to everything.

  ‘May I ask you something?’ Seeya said.

  ‘Ask anything and everything you want,’ I replied.

  She smiled and asked, ‘When I’m not around, what do you do?’

  ‘There’s no such moment when you’re not around me, even if you’re not actually there with me, I sense you all the time. The rest of the while, I just try to remain true to you,’ I replied and she smiled again.

  ‘It’s too much for me to take in at one time, Vasu, but I love it whenever you say these lovely things; it makes me feel extraordinary…’

  I said these words knowing that it made her glad and even if I had to exaggerate a little, I would, for it made her happy and that was all I cared about. But I reckoned whatever I ever said was true and straight from the core of my heart.

  ‘But I’m no different from all the other women out there,’ she said.

  ‘For the rest of the world and for yourself, you might be just like all the others, but for me you aren’t. Now, did you get it or do you want me to say it all over again?’ This made her smile.

  ‘I could sit here and talk forever, Vasu. But the moon has started to set. It’s too dark and I’m afraid father might have reached home and I can’t bear the shower of his endless questions.’

  In the starlit night, Seeya was about to leave when I pulled her nearer, the space that separated us thinning every second and in no time, with my eyes shut, I came close enough to her that I could hear the sound of her breathing, a bit closer and I could feel her soft breaths on my skin. A cool breeze now blew in her hair, spreading it to veil my face. The net of thin birches swayed above our heads. My heart was pounding so fast that it felt like hundreds of horses galloping together. Then, the pounding, galloping sound became louder and clearer and I realised it wasn’t my heart that I could hear and I stopped where I was at once.

  FOUR

  UNFORTUNATELY, WE DIDN’T DIE!

  It took her no longer than what it took me to realise that the rhythmic thuds drawing nearer and growing louder were the distant beat of galloping hoofs. We exchanged confused looks. The rate at which the thunderous sounds were growing louder made me realise that whoever it was would soon be upon us.

  ‘What is it?’ she asked fearfully. There was the shadow of fear upon me as well, for that galloping was not of tens or even a hundred horses. Confused and scared, I felt the ground quiver and shake below us. An earthquake approached. We were motionless and perplexed. The distant howling of wolves now added to the fearsome tide of sound. Then, out of the blue, came an arrow like a lightning bolt and pierced Seeya’s neck.

  Blood trickled down her shoulders on to her bosom. I prayed that none of this was real but it was and before I could make any sense of it all, she fell to the ground, lifeless.

  ‘Seeya!’ I heard myself scream. I trembled in fear as I bent forward to take Seeya in my arms—when an arrow pierced the left side of my stomach and the push of another arrow that went right into my chest made me fall down.

  As my sight blurred and grew fainter, I realised that it was those hooded barbarians, the White Demons, and I saw them advancing towards Saarah. My head drooped down towards Seeya. I looked at her helplessly, and tears rolled down my cheek, mixing with the blood on my face. My hand crawled towards Seeya but before I could hold her hand, dead darkness crept over me. As the White Demons thundered past us, Seeya and I lay there, lifeless.

  Faint and low, Nasteya’s voice reached my ears.

  ‘Wake up!’ I heard him say it repeatedly.

  Little by little, I opened my eyes and bright light streamed into them. As it faded and dimmed, I saw Nasteya.

  ‘God has heard me! You woke up!’ he said in relief.

  I was feeling frail and drowsy. What mattered to me most was to know if whatever happened was a waking nightmare. When I tried to move, a stabbing pain in my side made me gasp. A stream of tears trickled down my face as that pain made me realise that this was not a nightmare. It had happened. I could sense the aching blister of that horrifying truth that grew heavier for me to bear. I strove to speak and at last, slow words came, ‘Seeya? Where is she? What happened?’

  ‘Forgive me, Vasu. But it was just you who still breathed when I found you on the hill,’ Nasteya tightened his grip on my hand as he spoke with wet eyes.

  ‘No! No! You lie! She cannot go, at least not without me. It is a lie, a nightmare from which I will wake. Nothing can fool me,’ was all I could say.

  The news he broke to me was cruel and painful and I fell into a deep abyss of darkness once again. When I woke up again, I was unaware of the passage of time; it could have been days. It was dark outside. The flame of a candle flickered and in its golden radiance, I saw Nasteya by my side, dozing. I had just opened my eyes when an uncontrolled stream of tears wet my face. My sighs woke Nasteya.

  ‘Vasu!’ he said and holding my face, he wiped my tears and continued, ‘Please! Do not go anywhere this time. You are all I have now. Just stay with me, please!’

  Of course he feared I might lose consciousness again. He reached for a glass of water and made me drink some. After a sip or two I gazed at him and before I could say anything, he realised from the look on my face and the tears in my eyes that I was about to ask him questions, a bunch of them. He knew very well what questions would come from me, as much was he aware that I was still too weak to speak.

  ‘Do not ask much, for you won’t get all the answers from me. You are weak, my friend, but all you must know is that it is you who has kept me going since that fateful night. Vasu, you have to heal, for me. I have lived each day with the lurking fear of losing you. Stay! For me!’ Tears filled his eyes as he spoke. What did he mean when he said that I was all that he had now?

  ‘I sense that I have lost a lot more than Seeya…’ The grief-stricken words came slowly from me. ‘I see that my wounds have almost healed and I have woken after a long sleep in which I have mourned enough.’

  ‘Ten long days and even longer nights have slowly passed. For these ten grieving days I have lived watching you breathe. I have wished long for you to wake up for I was left with nothing but you,’ Nasteya said.

  ‘I feared to wake to face such reality. What has happened Nasteya? And why? Why did God do this? Even though I don’t really want to, yet I must know— what am I awake to see?’ I asked with an ache in my heart.

  ‘You must rest before I tell you,’ Nasteya said.

  Certainly he wasn’t ready to tell me all nor was I strong enough to persuade him. Then I glimpsed a man who had just entered the room with a tray of fruits and berries. His dhoti shielded a young child. There was sorrow on his face, no less than on ours. Undoubtedly,
like us, they were the survivors of this misfortune.

  ‘Here, have them. These berries are medicinal,’ the man leaned forward with the tray. As he spoke, his voice was weighed down with deep grief.

  ‘He is Hira and this little one is Ayaan. They arrived on the third day since the attack after a long journey, unaware of what lay ahead of them. It was as hard for him as it was for me,’ Nasteya said.

  ‘Are there more survivors?’ I asked, though I was quite certain that there could be none, for I plainly remembered seeing that outsized fleet of fierce White Demons advancing towards Saarah right before my eyes closed that night.

  Nasteya held my hand tightly and said, ‘I wish there were survivors. Those I found wounded but alive succumbed to their injuries later. Those demons had their spears, swords, arrows and darts poisoned. They came thoroughly prepared to not seize anything but destroy everything.’

  The tidings were painful yet I swallowed them. Hira took Ayaan out and then I said, ‘I feel ready to hear everything. You shall tell me now for the pain must come at once. If it keeps jabbing now and then, I won’t be able to stand it.’

  ‘I pray to God to give you enough strength,’ Nasteya said and continued quietly, ‘After you left to meet Seeya, some painful secrets were revealed to me. The truth revealed its awful face that night when Savaan raised an issue among the council and made me step down as Saarah’s future king. This well-planned mutiny unveiled some hidden facts about me. A truth so upsetting that it filled me with anger and distress. Unsure of my future, I went away.’

  ‘I wonder what truth it could be.’ I murmured as I dealt with my own perplexities. Until the moon rode down in the west and dawn broke in the eastern sky, Nasteya told me everything that had happened that night. The fact that Nasteya was an outsider with unknown origin and roots was the hardest for me to believe.

  ‘I wish I had never left!’ There was guilt in Nasteya’s voice as he spoke, ‘But when my anger grew fainter, I rode back to Saarah. I saw smoke rising high into the sky on the horizon long before Saarah came into sight. Alarmed by it, I pressed on with all possible speed. As the distance between me and Saarah diminished, the smoke thickened, blackened... I climbed the hill and before me, Saarah lay burning. Terror crept all over me and a chill went down my back. I dashed down the slope and entered the city. My clothes were all drenched in sweat. As I wandered, I found nothing but cloven shields, broken swords, spears and arrows stained with blood, ashes and debris, halfburnt huts, dead horses and corpses scattered all over the place. I wondered if I had walked on to a battlefield! But it was our Saarah… From the marks on the spears and swords I realised that the White Demons had wreaked this havoc. I heard no sound, neither of men nor animals. I cried and shouted, ‘Is anyone there?’ With no reply, I cried even louder. I was reeling in shock. I could only wonder the worst of what ill fate would have befallen Saarah the other night. For hours I lay on the ground, crying and weeping. Every face I knew in Saarah was dead. Every hut was now a tomb, the palace being the biggest one with its hewn pillars and burnt towers. But then at night I found you and you still breathed. If not for you, I would have died of grief or killed myself. Since that day I have buried everyone with these hands. With each burial, my conscience blamed me. With each lash of blame, I felt wrecked. I wish I had never left.’

  ‘I doubt if it is your fault. I doubt if it was the fault of anyone who died. You were no more aware of what ill fate was at hand than anyone else was. More excruciating is the fact that your presence would have hardly counted. I saw them that night, those hooded terrorists—they were huge and in great numbers and Saarah was unprepared…’

  ‘I have vowed to avenge everything, Vasu,’ Nasteya said in a determined voice. Hatred shrouded his words. ‘They took from me everything I had. And I won’t be at peace until I destroy them.’

  ‘There is nothing that we know of those White Demons,’ I said.

  ‘I will, at all, costs unearth their mystery and that of my origin too. Only then can I die in peace. I have made preparations,’ said Nasteya.

  ‘Preparations for what?’ I asked.

  ‘A journey,’ Nasteya said, ‘A long uncertain journey.’

  ‘Then I shall accompany you,’ I said after a pause.

  ‘You need rest, Vasu.’

  ‘I have already rested too long,’ I said. ‘I am left with no reason to live. Joining you will certainly provide me with one. Even I yearn for revenge. Saarah was no less dear to me than it was to you.’ It was a decision taken hastily, yet I knew that what we chose wasn’t wrong.

  ‘Then we must depart soon. Rest now,’ Nasteya said.

  Contrary to his words, I rose and walked slowly and painfully around Saarah. The city that I once cherished now lay in ruins before me. But I did not mourn for I had to accept the fact that it was predestined. I walked down the slope into the city. A mournful wind blew through the empty streets. Shattered terracotta toys, torn and burnt clothes stained with blood, swords and shears were all that filled Saarah’s streets.

  ‘Pain is an element of life, whether emotional or physical. Sometimes it is endurable and at other times you cannot bear it. Walking down the long road of life, you may sometimes step on a sharp stone. You may bleed—but your next step takes you away from it. Accept this pain so that it may no longer weaken you. Even if it breaks you down, you always have the choice to rise up again. Rise up and emerge strong for this life is worth the pain…’ Godmother’s words echoed in my head. With a deep sigh I made up my mind to make the best use of my life while I was still alive. I was now equipped with a purpose. It wasn’t me, but a warrior on his feet yet again.

  FIVE

  THE SHADOWS IN THE WOODS

  On the way back, Godmother’s ruined half-burnt cottage came into sight. I walked inside reluctantly and that unique aroma of incense that used to flood her room was now mixed with the stench of soot and rubble. I turned around, about to step out, when I saw something that gleamed on the floor near the broken closet and it made me stop. I picked it up. It was a minuscule statuette of a dragon, finely wrought out of gold with something engraved in a foreign script on its folded wings. Whether its shine had captured my attention or whether it had made some desire come over me I do not know, but I dropped it in my pocket and left.

  Even the sky above Saarah mourned. There was no breeze and no tree rustled its leaves. Everything seemed lifeless. The zigzagging and sloping streets were stained and filled with the last evidences of apocalypse. Under the pale sky, I gazed from afar at that spot where Seeya and I had met for the last time and when the view became hazy, I figured out that my eyes were damp. It pulled me towards it, but I turned around. I knew very well that if I went there, the phantoms of reminiscences of all the moments I had once spent with her would stab me.

  Wherever I stared, recollections from the past started dancing in front of me. I cried even harder because I knew that neither those people nor the memories would ever return. It felt like I was trapped, bound in the shackles of this ugly truth… By the time I reached the hut we were staying in, all my tears had dried. In the backyard stood Nasteya with his gaze fixed on the dark sky. I walked to him and stood beside him and when I looked up to the sky, I saw a shooting star that came and vanished in a flash, leaving a white streak in its wake. I wanted to make a wish to spend all my life with Seeya, but the truth was that even if all the stars fell from the sky at once and with each shooting star I made the same wish, I knew that it would not be fulfilled. It left me livid and then I realised that what Nasteya had chosen to do was valid and I too was now filled with the same purpose.

  ‘We depart at the crack of dawn, but only if you feel good to go,’ Nasteya said to which I replied, ‘Never will I feel good to go anywhere, but now I want to leave Saarah as soon as possible. It is hard for me to look at the dead city and I would die of pain if we stay here longer.’

  The last light of the setting sun dimmed and vanished. But Nasteya stood there till night conquered the sky.


  After a light meal, he fell asleep, so did Hira and Ayaan and in the middle of the gloomy, cold night, sleep crept over me as well. Dawn came, pale and humid. A layer of smoke-like mist could be seen over streams and brooks. A group of rabbits quenched their morning thirst and hopped away as we went past them with our packs all trussed up. We walked fast, as if trying to leave Saarah without looking back. It felt like a ghost was wailing behind us, a ghost that didn’t want us to leave.

  It was a silent walk all day long, without many halts. The sun had begun to sink and the light of the moon was on the land as we sped along our path that went winding up among the hills into the north. So far, we had not met a soul on the way. Moreover, nobody ever went this far to the north. In front of us were green slopes rising to bare ridges that ran in a line straight towards the north. Nasteya led us on and on, tireless and swift with no sign of weariness, now that his mind was made up. We climbed gentle slopes sprinkled with pine trees. Dusk deepened. We kept walking. The shadows of pine trees grew long and black. Hira, Nasteya and I showed hardly any sign of weariness but Ayaan, who was just ten, was in need of rest. A few yards from us, a stream trickled among the boulders at the bottom of the hill. The stream poured all its water into a little pool. It was lined with dwindling grass that sparkled under the crescent moon. Here, the air was softer and faintly scented. Hira took a deep breath.